: views from the Hill

Monday, November 24, 2008

The Dunlap Question, redux

The Dunlap Question

Someone asked elsewhere: What would you choose, Sal?

I'm still pondering.

Would I relive my life knowing what I know now and be constrained to live through =everything= knowing, for instance, about an upcoming miscarriage or divorce, the death of three siblings and my parents, all the crap and miseries? I couldn't even spend more time with my sister or brothers or parents than I did because that would not be a life that was "just exactly as before."

I'm not sure the happiness and satisfaction would offset the crap I'd have to live through again.

If I were oblivious, mind swept clear of understanding and memories, then maybe I would, but if I had to reprise my entire life with my memories intact and with foreknowledge of what unchangeable sadness was coming up next September. ...

Probably not.

But ... if ... at the end of the reliving, I'd get more time, wouldn't I? More time would be good.

Or would I be asked again when today rolls round again, would I be asked again at this instant, to make the choice again and choose whether to feed back into the infinite loop?

The question is a different one from whether I would change anything that had happened to me in the past. To that one I always say "no changes," because all that came before -- even the deaths and the sadnesses and the broken hearts and the wish-I-hadn'ts -- led to where I am today and I'm pretty happy with today, thankyouverymuch.

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